Five years ago, my husband surprised me with tickets to “An Evening with Eckhart Tolle, live at the Chicago Theatre.” Our seats were less than ten rows back and I couldn’t wait to be only feet away from the person who’d changed my life so dramatically.
I had been on my own journey of awakening for five years at the time, and two years earlier, I’d somehow stumbled into Eckhart: an adorable little German man in a sweater vest on YouTube. In almost every talk, he spoke unrehearsed about one singular thing: the essentials of spiritual awakening, finding the present moment, transcending the ego, surrender.
His words gave language to the internal shifts I’d been experiencing for the past year, and I fell in love with the clarity, presence, and Namaste I felt in this unpretentious little man.
I devoured his book The Power of Now and more often than not was streaming his talks from YouTube. Most days when my kids piled into the car for after school rides, they would buckle in and say, “Mom, is this Eckhart again?”
So when I stepped into the Chicago Theatre on a windy March Saturday night, my stomach was butterflies. By this time, I’d read all of Eckhart’s works and watched him on Oprah. I had listened to so many hours of his talks I could often predict his answers to the questions people posed to him in his customary Q&A’s. To me, he was the most influential person on the planet.
I settled into my seat and felt the grandeur of the golden scaffoldings around the stage, the pomp of the velvet red curtain.
I closed my eyes and reached for my husband’s hand. I felt the heat of our fingers intertwined as I breathed all the way down to the soles of my feet. I wanted my heart to calm, my ears to open. I wanted to be fully present for this moment. I didn’t want to miss a thing.
The people sitting behind us were buzzing in conversation and I was surprised to hear two women gossiping and complaining about some trivial matter. How could they be tied up in such trivial matters at such an important moment? Did they have any clue about who this man was or the heart of his teachings?
When the curtain rose and Eckhart shuffled across the stage in his sweater vest and settled into the plain chair set for him in the middle of an empty stage, my stomach leapt and my eyes sprung with tears.
Eckhart’s eyes squinted as his face surveyed the crowd with his customary grin. He grinned and breathed for several minutes, collecting himself in total presence before he finally started to talk.
Eckhart talked that night for three hours, with no script and no agenda, as he always does. I don’t think I remember a single thing that he said, actually, but I do remember the frequency I felt from him: the presence, the Namaste, the steadying calm. Whenever I forget who I am, I can listen to Eckhart Tolle speak, and I am somehow reconnected with my own portal to the Divine.
But what I remember most about that night is when the curtain dropped. The people behind me stood up and remarked how wonderful the talk was before starting back in on their gossipy rants.
How peculiar, I thought as I sat in my chair, breathed down to my feet again, and let it all settle as the crowd emptied from the red seats around me and Nate.
What was I feeling? A confusion stirring within me, a cloud dissipating, Something New, a knowing that had been growing for a long time settling into Something More Solid than it had ever been before.
The distinct understanding that nothing was offered tonight, nothing was available here in this theater that I flew across the country for and paid hotels and tickets for that I didn’t already have.
That with all the love I felt and feel for this remarkable little man and all the ways I honor the role he has played in the evolution of the human race, that he himself is not what is so valuable that millions of people would buy his book and thousands would buy expensive tickets to see him live at auditoriums or retreats.
What is so so valuable is What is coming through him.
And I realized that that Thing, that Presence, that Divine Stillness and Clarity, was also taking root in me… as I practiced finding and feeling It in the mundane existence of my daily life.
I realized deep down in my bones that awakening doesn’t come from flying to Chicago and seeing Eckhart Tolle in person, or practicing yoga and meditation with his wife Kim, as we’d done earlier that day.
My most valuable assets in the incredible awakening happening inside of me were the structures and frameworks I had at home that were keeping me aware, accountable, and in contact with the Presence that Eckhart talks about:
My weekly meetings where I touch in and stay focused on the state of my own heart and mind. My 12-step sponsor whom I often reached out to for real-time feedback as I navigated all the ups and downs of having my entire worldview dissolve around me. The embodied mindfulness tools that helped me cut through the chaos and clutter, one moment at a time, and breathe my way out of my old unconscious reactions to find Something Higher at my center, able to guide me in ways I had never experienced before.
These simple, unimpressive structures of my daily life were worth more than any guru. And the Light I felt and feel in His Teachings are simply a reflection of the Light that also lives in me. In you. In each and every one of us on the planet.
It’s a far cry from reading somebody’s book or listening to their podcast and living the principles that resonate enough to keep you listening. To walk the walk, you need a lifestyle and network that supports the changes you want to make.
From that moment on, I became deeply passionate about offering others the framework of healing I’d been so generously given:
- embodied awareness/personal meditation practice
- mindfulness-based, trauma-informed understanding of the mechanics of spiritual healing
- Regular touchpoints and accountability – weekly meetings
- Mentors who are at least two steps ahead of me on the path
I dedicated the next 3 years of my life as Executive Director in a 12-step non-profit, where I did my best to incorporate all these tools into our 12-step non-profit. I wrote recovery manuals, weekly blog posts, spoke at Conferences, and led Women’s Retreats.
I witnessed hundreds of individuals and couples heal from heart-wrenching traumas and betrayals, turning life-shattering tragedies into vehicles toward a more awakened and compassionate heart, and stronger families.
Four years ago, I left the 12-step world to bring this framework to a more Universal audience with my partner Nesha through Lifehouse Body and Soul, because I know in my bones that this framework has the ability to lead any willing heart to the same knowing, the same Light that emanates so richly from Eckhart Tolle and others like him.
There is nothing in them that is not also in you. The clarity, peace, and presence they have is simply a product of the practice they’ve put in and the unwavering desire they have for it.
There is nothing stopping you from committing yourself to the same practice. From jumping into the same deconstruction of your small, armored, striving self.
There is nothing out there that is not already right here, within you.
When you’re ready to let go and let yourself be undone, we’ll be here, with the simple structure that can carry you gently, one step, one moment at a time, as you learn how to peel back the fear and conditioning, and uncover the Divine Love that’s just waiting to flow unfettered from your miraculous human heart.