I am a parent of 5 kids – 3 of which are teenagers. My oldest just finished his Freshman year of college. Just a few years back, he famously declared “I can’t wait to get out of this s*!thole!” as he slammed the door in my face.
This was a fitting introduction to what this new parenting season was going to look like. Pretty much every day, I use mindfulness to navigate my interactions with my teenagers, asking myself:
“Am I willing to deeply listen to what they have to say?”
“Am I holding the boundaries that feel like integrity to me?”
“Am I modeling the kind of honesty & accountability I’m asking for from them?”
“Am I a safe space for them to be exactly who they are?”
Almost overnight, it sometimes seems I’ve gone from being their hero to being their most embarrassing moment. Everything I say is wrong or offensive. Every disappointment or frustration they feel is somehow my fault.
On a personal level, it’s not an easy place to sit. I spend my fair share of time mindfully tending to my own emotions amidst what feels like a lot of pushback and rejection.
But as I consider our bumpy roads, I’m reminded of the deep human longing that underlies so much of our shifting relationship.
The longing for FREEDOM.
As I watch my kids push and pull, test limits, reject ideas, pave their own path, create their own style, mindfulness helps me recognize this motivating factor underneath it all—a reaching for freedom, for authenticity—the same deep yearning I share.
The self-knowledge and clarity to say: This is who I am.
The acceptance and safety to know I can be whoever I want to be.
The clear understanding that I get to choose. I get to decide.
This longing, this hero’s journey, is alive in all of us, I think. And it’s often quite messy to figure out. How many mistakes have I made in the pursuit of finding myself? Plenty.
In the heart of teenagehood, a parent’s voice might be the last sound that a kid will listen to—I don’t know that there’s any way around this.
That’s why it’s been so powerful to be on a shared journey with my kids through this turbulent time.
Through mindfulness, we’re both learning how to hear and deeply understand our own voice—the voice of our Highest Self—which we find through our own body-mind-spirit.
Mindfulness guides us to hold ourselves in loving curiosity and trust this inner compass. Whatever we may be experiencing, we can ask:
How does this feel inside me? What are the fruits of this choice? Is this how I want to be showing up in the world?
Our own body-mind-spirit knows best. It is a Divine instrument we can trust.
Authenticity is FREEDOM—and I want this joyful state for myself and for my kids. I see its fruits as I watch them make their way into powerful, messy, beautiful adults.
Now my son calls home almost daily to check in, seeks our advice on relationships and career choices, and is often reading a mindfulness or self-help book and talking about his “frequency.”
He loves every chance he gets to come back and visit the “s*!thole” he left a year ago.
I am so proud of the man he’s becoming, and so grateful for the tools he’s found that are far more reliable than we are as well-meaning but fallible parents:
The ability to know and think and feel for himself, looking inward and upward to find his next right step from a spiritual center in this adventure called life.
If you’ve got teenagers or young adults who are looking for FREEDOM & AUTHENTICITY and could use some help carving their path, check out our Mindfulness Courses for youth and young adults.
We’d love to have them–and to have you too! Our mindfulness programs for youth, young adults and grown-ups all start in the middle of August. You can learn more about them here.
Wishing all of us the best of luck with our little s*!theads,
Becky