Tag: mindfulness programs

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Can your wildest dreams really just drop out of the sky?

At New Year’s 2023, I’d been writing the story of my trauma journey for almost 9 years when I boarded an airplane. I knew I felt called to share my experience to help others, and I also knew I needed help to get it where I wanted it. 

But I had no idea how to find help–I’d sent the manuscript to a dozen publishers over the years and never gotten anything but polite rejection emails. I had mentally put the project on the shelf and thrown myself into more present logistical tasks: for years this meant admin work at the 12-step non-profit. Now it meant building my own mindfulness studio.

We had scarcely reached cruising altitude when I opened my laptop to type “Publish my betrayal trauma manuscript” as an official New Year intention.  

Not five minutes later, the woman sitting next to me leaned over and asked: “What do you do for a living?”

Now I’m not one to get into small talk on airplanes, but I love my work, so I started to explain my mindfulness and wellness studio in Utah: Lifehouse Body & Soul. It quickly became clear that we were kindred spirits. 

Over the course of the flight, I learned that Marissa is an author, poet, editor, and publisher in the spiritual and transformational space. She is from Wisconsin, like me, lives in Montana now–in the middle of nowhere–and is basically the exact person on the planet to publish my book. 

“Send me the manuscript tomorrow and I’ll see if it’s something we can work with. We can talk logistics from there,” she said as we gathered our suitcases and bags. 

I walked off the airplane in shock, floating on a cloud, my stomach butterflies and my head buzzing. Within days, we’re under contract and my almost-forgotten labor of love is on its way into the world.

Holy crap. The exact person I’d been searching for for 9 years—literally, dropped out of the sky and into my lap.

Experiences like this still give me the chills, and one after another, they’ve paved the path of every step that’s taken me to where I am.

I never thought I would start my own business. Never had any inkling to run a non-profit. Even as an idealistic English major at BYU, I never dreamed I would actually be published.

(Undone, Unafraid: Evolving through trauma, betrayal, femininity and faith. Set to release on October 12th, 2024—you’re invited! 😉

It’s all just so…unbelievable. And it all started with that deep-level decision: to fully commit myself to a supportive community with the right tools, and then let go and trust. 

Every time I think of my rock bottom, I see myself huddled under bed covers in the dark, shaking and alone and totally powerless…and I feel it all so personally. That moment was so real. 

I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through—believing they’re alone and powerless and that barely surviving is the best they can hope for. 

I want to shout it from the rooftops—Where you are is not the end! In fact, it’s the beginning of a more passionate and fulfilling life than you’ve even imagined. All you need are the right tools: and they’re right here–inside you!

My life has become a Love Note to the Universe: a thank-you for the incredible journey that’s made all the ugly stuff so beautiful and purposeful. 

I do what I do because I truly, deeply care. I do what I do because giving back is a part of my own healing journey. I do what I do because I truly feel that I have a responsibility to the Universe to give to others what I have so generously received, and I know that, with all my imperfections, I’ve become uniquely suited to do so. 

Healing isn’t something you can learn from a textbook or a PhD. It’s a spiritual art, an embodied and engaged lifestyle passed along through lived-experience warriors who help us find our way. We can’t do it alone.

The Body & Soul programs will help you find and become such a warrior. I can’t point you to a place with a more complete framework— support, practices, and structure—to help you find your best self on the deepest level. 

If you’re ready, it’s the perfect time to join us. Our Fall Programs kick off in the middle of August: online and in-person for Youth (12-18), Young Adults, General Adults, and Women. 

It’s within you to do it, and nobody else can do it for you. If you’ve got a willing heart, the right tools are right here waiting for you. 

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When you jump off a cliff and land on a springboard

Slowly but surely, everything in my life changed after that moment of total surrender. Initially, those changes looked scary. My husband and I separated—my heart-centered response to the dissonance I still felt between us.

But over time, each next-right-step carved space for a new, healthier reality to emerge. It was like every time I paused to check my heart, my small fearful ego was stepping back to make room for God to enter the equation. And He did.

I knew when to hold boundaries and when to open my heart. I could feel my next right step from the alignment I felt within me each time I paused to look there in trust.

My husband and I were eventually able to create a new marriage between us with awareness and accountability for all the “stuff” we habitually bring into our relationship.

Ten years later, he is completely sober from sexual acting out, and we’re still growing, stronger than we’ve ever been.

There is nothing we cannot discuss, no part of ourselves we hold back from each other. We are truly, deeply, in it together.

And this miraculous, surrendered pathway has not only brought healing to my relationships, it has skyrocketed every single aspect of my life.

Since then, expanding opportunities have seemed to drop into my lap, right out of the sky, including:

  • Teaching embodiment through fitness to thousands of University students at BYU and UVU for almost 20 years as a group exercise instructor and program coordinator.
  • Running a 12-step non-profit for betrayal trauma and sexual addiction for 3 years as the Executive Director where I learned invaluable lessons on how group healing happens.
  • Starting a mindfulness and wellness studio with my partner Nesha—who I was totally led to through an illogical, gut-level, trauma-related prompting.
  • Taking my 200-level Yoga Training in 2020–even amidst the COVID-19 pandemic!
  • Graduating from a 2 year training (2021-2023) as a Certified Mindfulness and Meditation Teacher through Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach, in partnership with the UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center & Awareness Training Institute
  • Graduating from the Teachers of Presence Program with Eckhart Tolle (2023)
  • Studying again with Jack Kornfield (June 2024) in his amazing Interactive Guided Meditation Master Class
  • Guiding and journeying with clients through traumas and transitions of all types:
  • losing a spouse, losing a child, the crisis of betrayal/infidelity, long-term addiction recovery, body issues, disordered eating, lifelong battles with anxiety/OCD, navigating faith transitions, healing perfectionism, helping people to deepen their faith. I truly feel, as I’m able to witness these sacred moments of healing and release, that I am on holy ground with fellow travelers.
  • Continuing to strengthen and improve my relationships with my husband and children: Nate and I just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary and it keeps getting better. We’ve come so far and still have more progress to make!

As I write them out, I’m still in shock at the amazing places this unbelievable road has taken me: to places I never dreamed I’d go.

I truly believe similar adventures are waiting for you–waiting for anyone who makes the same gut-level decision to let go, commit to the Highest within them, and leap into the unknown with an open, willing heart.

Tomorrow, you’ll get my last email, with the most unbelievable part of my wild ride… and my best invitation into your own adventure, if you’re ready to take it.

Your fellow on the journey,

Becky

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When the plot twist is exactly what you didn’t know you needed

Attending that first Conference marked a moment of decision for me: a decision to do whatever it took to heal–fully. To let go of the fears that had been holding me back–the fears of being judged or rejected because of our mistakes, of not having enough time or money to devote to my own personal growth, of settling for survival as good enough and just getting by.

After seeing first-hand what was possible, I decided I was done with settling.

I was going to thrive. And I started to.

I engaged fully in community: faithfully attending weekly meetings where I absorbed the strength and wisdom of others on similar journeys through hugs, tears, stories, and laughter. For years, I hardly missed a week.

I engaged fully in embodiment: learning how to use my body to release fear and find the warmth and tingle of divine connection through fitness, yoga, and meditation. My workouts and meditations were top daily priorities and I didn’t miss them.

I immersed myself in mindfulness-based psychology: working with trained therapists and spiritual teachers, immersing myself in courses and trainings that helped me understand and name what was happening inside me through both science and spirituality. This was a significant investment in both time and money.

I’d been thriving with these pillars for about 3 years when I was hit by my toughest challenge yet: a moment that made it clear that my husband was still in mindsets I couldn’t trust, and I was still unconsciously trying to control his behavior.

I couldn’t believe it: after all that work. After all that therapy. We were still stuck in our unconscious ways.

This moment called for my deepest surrender. It helped me see the fears I was still running from: the fears underneath the surface reality of my problems.

I realized that my identity was entirely wrapped up in my roles as mother and wife, the family and faith expectations I had internalized. I didn’t know how to be myself. In a lot of ways, I didn’t know who I was.

I realized I was still terrified of the unknown. It was so hard to let go of control and trust life, trust God, when I had no idea where that would take me. I was still grasping, still trying to secure an outcome that felt safe.

I realized how much desperate energy was attached to my wanting to be a good person. But whose definitions was I living by? I was still hooked into other people’s rules and opinions of me. I could sense this was holding me back from my most powerful, authentic self and the inner freedom I longed for.

This awakening was the real moment of decision for me: more of a jumping off the cliff than anything I had previously done. It was the moment I truly let go and offered my whole life to God, the Universe, a Greater Good—wherever that would lead me.

I stopped trying to manage my husband (or anybody else), control the outcome, or control other people’s perceptions of me, and I started living a grand experiment, focusing my full attention inward:

What is at my center right now, in this present moment?

Is my heart open? Do I feel connected to myself, to God?

What do I need to take ownership of, to make myself right, inside and out, right now?

What is life asking of me in this moment, and am I willing to give it, with my whole heart?

This was a whole nother level of living: a whole nother level of surrender and thriving and accountability and growth. And it would take me on a next-level journey.

If you’re a sucker for a crazy happy ending, watch for my email tomorrow, because what happened next still blows my mind.

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The moment that changed my life forever…eventually for the better

Eleven years ago, I was a busy, juggling mom of four. I had one kid on my hip, another tugging my arm, and the other two chasing circles as I navigated hefty church responsibilities and a part-time job teaching University fitness classes. My husband had recently started his own business, and even though it was stressful, I thought we were living the dream.

The desperate striving, the nonstop calendars, the frequent arguments—I thought it was all normal —the price of success even, and I just kept swimming.

A year later, on a quiet Sunday night after our kids were in bed, my husband disclosed an extramarital relationship that completely rocked my world.

I spent days in bed with covers pulled over my head. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was flat on my face, broken. All the balls I was juggling lay scattered on the floor, and for the first time in my life, I had no drive or capacity to pick them up. I was stunned. Baffled. Enraged. Hopeless.

I had no idea what to do.

For over a year, I desperately flailed for somebody to rescue me. I devotedly did everything I could think of: I read books, pored through scriptures, listened to podcasts, went to therapy, met with church leaders, wrote hundreds of journal pages. My husband was fully on board to do all he could to save our marriage and he quickly found sobriety from his acting out behaviors.

But it didn’t fix the dark, gaping hole I felt inside.

A year past rock bottom, my husband and I attended a large Conference focused on the very problems we were dealing with. My heart was pounding as I walked into the crowded halls, buzzing with people. I was afraid I would see someone I knew. I was afraid of our shameful secret.

But I was even more compelled to hear the speakers: authors whose books I had read and who had walked through the very darkness we were stuck in. So we went, crossing our fingers that we would quietly blend into the background.

As my husband and I settled into our seats, our hands tightly clasped, my fears melted away. The words spilling out from presenters’ mouths told our story, spoke my heart. These people knew what I was experiencing, and they knew what it took to heal from it because they had done it themselves.

After a year of running in circles and going nowhere, I could feel the difference between going through motions with “theoretical experts” and getting in the trenches with lived-experience warriors who could help walk me through my own journey.

Attending this Conference turned out to be a crucial turning point, for several reasons.

One: We actually DID run into people we knew there—and amazingly, it was fine! They seemed happy to see us, and didn’t ask any personal details. In fact, it was a huge relief to realize that maybe we weren’t alone in our struggles.

Two: Suddenly we had access to a specialized toolkit we hadn’t even known existed—people, strategies, and resources that could help us deeply heal—for the long haul.

From that point forward, everything began to change for us, but not overnight. In fact, this moment was just the beginning: the moment we realized we couldn’t do it on our own.

There were so many challenges to face before we reached the point we are now, where we can honestly claim this 12-step promise: “We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.”

Tomorrow I’ll fill you in on the bumpy road this beginning led to: a messy middle that would ask me to face challenges I could never have expected.