Slowly but surely, everything in my life changed after that moment of total surrender. Initially, those changes looked scary. My husband and I separated—my heart-centered response to the dissonance I still felt between us.
But over time, each next-right-step carved space for a new, healthier reality to emerge. It was like every time I paused to check my heart, my small fearful ego was stepping back to make room for God to enter the equation. And He did.
I knew when to hold boundaries and when to open my heart. I could feel my next right step from the alignment I felt within me each time I paused to look there in trust.
My husband and I were eventually able to create a new marriage between us with awareness and accountability for all the “stuff” we habitually bring into our relationship.
Ten years later, he is completely sober from sexual acting out, and we’re still growing, stronger than we’ve ever been.
There is nothing we cannot discuss, no part of ourselves we hold back from each other. We are truly, deeply, in it together.
And this miraculous, surrendered pathway has not only brought healing to my relationships, it has skyrocketed every single aspect of my life.
Since then, expanding opportunities have seemed to drop into my lap, right out of the sky, including:
- Teaching embodiment through fitness to thousands of University students at BYU and UVU for almost 20 years as a group exercise instructor and program coordinator.
- Running a 12-step non-profit for betrayal trauma and sexual addiction for 3 years as the Executive Director where I learned invaluable lessons on how group healing happens.
- Starting a mindfulness and wellness studio with my partner Nesha—who I was totally led to through an illogical, gut-level, trauma-related prompting.
- Taking my 200-level Yoga Training in 2020–even amidst the COVID-19 pandemic!
- Graduating from a 2 year training (2021-2023) as a Certified Mindfulness and Meditation Teacher through Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach, in partnership with the UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center & Awareness Training Institute
- Graduating from the Teachers of Presence Program with Eckhart Tolle (2023)
- Studying again with Jack Kornfield (June 2024) in his amazing Interactive Guided Meditation Master Class
- Guiding and journeying with clients through traumas and transitions of all types:
- losing a spouse, losing a child, the crisis of betrayal/infidelity, long-term addiction recovery, body issues, disordered eating, lifelong battles with anxiety/OCD, navigating faith transitions, healing perfectionism, helping people to deepen their faith. I truly feel, as I’m able to witness these sacred moments of healing and release, that I am on holy ground with fellow travelers.
- Continuing to strengthen and improve my relationships with my husband and children: Nate and I just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary and it keeps getting better. We’ve come so far and still have more progress to make!
As I write them out, I’m still in shock at the amazing places this unbelievable road has taken me: to places I never dreamed I’d go.
I truly believe similar adventures are waiting for you–waiting for anyone who makes the same gut-level decision to let go, commit to the Highest within them, and leap into the unknown with an open, willing heart.
Tomorrow, you’ll get my last email, with the most unbelievable part of my wild ride… and my best invitation into your own adventure, if you’re ready to take it.
Your fellow on the journey,
Becky