Tag: betrayal trauma recovery

Categories
Uncategorized

When you jump off a cliff and land on a springboard

Slowly but surely, everything in my life changed after that moment of total surrender. Initially, those changes looked scary. My husband and I separated—my heart-centered response to the dissonance I still felt between us.

But over time, each next-right-step carved space for a new, healthier reality to emerge. It was like every time I paused to check my heart, my small fearful ego was stepping back to make room for God to enter the equation. And He did.

I knew when to hold boundaries and when to open my heart. I could feel my next right step from the alignment I felt within me each time I paused to look there in trust.

My husband and I were eventually able to create a new marriage between us with awareness and accountability for all the “stuff” we habitually bring into our relationship.

Ten years later, he is completely sober from sexual acting out, and we’re still growing, stronger than we’ve ever been.

There is nothing we cannot discuss, no part of ourselves we hold back from each other. We are truly, deeply, in it together.

And this miraculous, surrendered pathway has not only brought healing to my relationships, it has skyrocketed every single aspect of my life.

Since then, expanding opportunities have seemed to drop into my lap, right out of the sky, including:

  • Teaching embodiment through fitness to thousands of University students at BYU and UVU for almost 20 years as a group exercise instructor and program coordinator.
  • Running a 12-step non-profit for betrayal trauma and sexual addiction for 3 years as the Executive Director where I learned invaluable lessons on how group healing happens.
  • Starting a mindfulness and wellness studio with my partner Nesha—who I was totally led to through an illogical, gut-level, trauma-related prompting.
  • Taking my 200-level Yoga Training in 2020–even amidst the COVID-19 pandemic!
  • Graduating from a 2 year training (2021-2023) as a Certified Mindfulness and Meditation Teacher through Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach, in partnership with the UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center & Awareness Training Institute
  • Graduating from the Teachers of Presence Program with Eckhart Tolle (2023)
  • Studying again with Jack Kornfield (June 2024) in his amazing Interactive Guided Meditation Master Class
  • Guiding and journeying with clients through traumas and transitions of all types:
  • losing a spouse, losing a child, the crisis of betrayal/infidelity, long-term addiction recovery, body issues, disordered eating, lifelong battles with anxiety/OCD, navigating faith transitions, healing perfectionism, helping people to deepen their faith. I truly feel, as I’m able to witness these sacred moments of healing and release, that I am on holy ground with fellow travelers.
  • Continuing to strengthen and improve my relationships with my husband and children: Nate and I just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary and it keeps getting better. We’ve come so far and still have more progress to make!

As I write them out, I’m still in shock at the amazing places this unbelievable road has taken me: to places I never dreamed I’d go.

I truly believe similar adventures are waiting for you–waiting for anyone who makes the same gut-level decision to let go, commit to the Highest within them, and leap into the unknown with an open, willing heart.

Tomorrow, you’ll get my last email, with the most unbelievable part of my wild ride… and my best invitation into your own adventure, if you’re ready to take it.

Your fellow on the journey,

Becky

Categories
Uncategorized

The moment that changed my life forever…eventually for the better

Eleven years ago, I was a busy, juggling mom of four. I had one kid on my hip, another tugging my arm, and the other two chasing circles as I navigated hefty church responsibilities and a part-time job teaching University fitness classes. My husband had recently started his own business, and even though it was stressful, I thought we were living the dream.

The desperate striving, the nonstop calendars, the frequent arguments—I thought it was all normal —the price of success even, and I just kept swimming.

A year later, on a quiet Sunday night after our kids were in bed, my husband disclosed an extramarital relationship that completely rocked my world.

I spent days in bed with covers pulled over my head. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was flat on my face, broken. All the balls I was juggling lay scattered on the floor, and for the first time in my life, I had no drive or capacity to pick them up. I was stunned. Baffled. Enraged. Hopeless.

I had no idea what to do.

For over a year, I desperately flailed for somebody to rescue me. I devotedly did everything I could think of: I read books, pored through scriptures, listened to podcasts, went to therapy, met with church leaders, wrote hundreds of journal pages. My husband was fully on board to do all he could to save our marriage and he quickly found sobriety from his acting out behaviors.

But it didn’t fix the dark, gaping hole I felt inside.

A year past rock bottom, my husband and I attended a large Conference focused on the very problems we were dealing with. My heart was pounding as I walked into the crowded halls, buzzing with people. I was afraid I would see someone I knew. I was afraid of our shameful secret.

But I was even more compelled to hear the speakers: authors whose books I had read and who had walked through the very darkness we were stuck in. So we went, crossing our fingers that we would quietly blend into the background.

As my husband and I settled into our seats, our hands tightly clasped, my fears melted away. The words spilling out from presenters’ mouths told our story, spoke my heart. These people knew what I was experiencing, and they knew what it took to heal from it because they had done it themselves.

After a year of running in circles and going nowhere, I could feel the difference between going through motions with “theoretical experts” and getting in the trenches with lived-experience warriors who could help walk me through my own journey.

Attending this Conference turned out to be a crucial turning point, for several reasons.

One: We actually DID run into people we knew there—and amazingly, it was fine! They seemed happy to see us, and didn’t ask any personal details. In fact, it was a huge relief to realize that maybe we weren’t alone in our struggles.

Two: Suddenly we had access to a specialized toolkit we hadn’t even known existed—people, strategies, and resources that could help us deeply heal—for the long haul.

From that point forward, everything began to change for us, but not overnight. In fact, this moment was just the beginning: the moment we realized we couldn’t do it on our own.

There were so many challenges to face before we reached the point we are now, where we can honestly claim this 12-step promise: “We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.”

Tomorrow I’ll fill you in on the bumpy road this beginning led to: a messy middle that would ask me to face challenges I could never have expected.