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How to Stop People Pleasing

In today’s More Than Mindfulness, Nesha shares her personal journey with people-pleasing. Becoming aware of the ways we are plugged into approval and validation is a necessary step toward becoming a “psychological adult,” according to Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife.

But, unplugging from other people’s approval can feel scary and threatening. We might fear disappointing others. We might fear that we will be perceived as unworthy if we stop trying to control, stop over-performing, stop over-functioning.

But when our well-being relies on the validation we receive when we perform well, we are like circus monkeys. We are in bondage to the fluctuating opinions of everybody around us. We have to lose our need for approval in order to find our strength.

How do we do this?

A consistent mindfulness practice allows us to connect back to the place within us that is directly connected to the Divine. This is the part of us that knows who we are and what we need. This is the part that is strong and fearless. This is the part that has nothing to prove.

A consistent meditation practice can help you shift your sense of self from something you plug into through other people’s approval, to something you find simply by discovering exactly who you are, underneath all the striving, in the present moment.

 

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